broz news
hand picked daily
My take on the news
Noted attorney Johnny Cochran passes away.
Said St. Peter: "If the halo don't fit, we can't admit."
Schiavo family argues over daughter's future
They want her to go to med school, but not as a cadaver.
George Bush gets metaphysical: "Two negatives will make a positive, but two positives can never make a negative."
Yeah, yeah.
FCC cracks down on political bloggers
Saddam Hussein registers as a 527 dot-org; Broznews fined $500 for quoting Joe Cocker.
Michael Jackson trial
George Bush supports King of Pop on trial. On one hand, he'll find Jesus in prison; on the other hand, Jackson has always supported Leave No Child's behind.
Jacko's next job: TV weatherman:
Whole new meaning to "dipping into the teens."
Jacko's accuser kidnapped for ransom
He was returned a short time later; his mom didn't want to break a ten.
Jacko spanking his monkey.
It's a defense attorney's dream. He's the only man in America who actually owns a monkey.
New government program to help ex-cons
Make them creative director of $1 billion companies.
Shocking revelation -- Statue of Liberty didn't come from France
There's no armpit hair.
Terrorism expert says a dirty bomb is an explosive wrapped in nasty stuff
Sounds like a corn dog to us.
Southern Baptist convention buys cell phones for preachers
"Can you save me now?"
Yet another UN demand on Saddam Hussein
He must now admit that the beret made him look a little gay.
Teen-age boy disappointed in "The Vagina Monologues"
"I thought it was going to be a ventriloquist show."
Hillary Clinton's first boyfriend tells all
"She was so frigid, if you nibbled on her neck, your tongue would stick."
Nothing ruins a comedian like regular sex and a good job.
Doesn't mean the fella in Cube 326 is funny.
Faith and Religion
Apple unveils the iGod
You don't need ear pods and the battery life is epic.
Vatican City to be converted to a megaplex.
"The Pope wanted the name Jesusland," a cardinal complained, "but Karl Rove owns it."
Business
Dow flirts with 11,000
So that means if we flirt with Lindsey Lohan, it's smart, too.
Time flies, but Delta loses $5 billion in a year.
Northwest latest cost cut proposal -- the airplane pilot. "Hey, TV reality shows cut out the money for the writers."
Boeing fires CEO, won't tolerate sneaking around.
Now get back to work on the Stealth bomber project.
Entertainment and Lifestyles
New rule: Potato-bacon bombs fried in trans-fat are out.
What's in. Potato-bacon bombs.
Robert Blake wins Oscar
"He was just perfect when he said 'Not guilty.'"
LA serial killer on the loose
Only targets wives of celebrities
HGTV visits Snoop Dog's crib
No word yet on the His and Ho's bath towels.
Tech
Gartner says don't worry about robots taking over.
That's because Gartner says all IT workers are pretty much robots now.
Scientist discovers what women really want
"Essentially a vibrator with an income," researcher says.
Film
"The Broz" (2005)
[Opening lines of the series]
"That's wrong with a capital R."
"That's wrong with a capital R."
Let's roll, and let's be very careful out there!
Fri, April 1, 2005
About April Fools
April Fools gags by way of glmarshall.com. Mr. Marshall can only take credit for maybe a quarter of the jokes in this edition, and thanks go to The First Dumpling, Jay Leno, Dennis Miller, Phyllis Diller and the two best newsmen in America, Bill Maher and Jon Stewart.
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