April 1, 2001: The Not Really Times-Dispatch

VIRGINIA / METRO RICHMOND
Southern preacher challenges Pope
The Three Wise Men were firefighters -- "the Bible says they came from afar."

ROUNDUP
Local doctor accused of racism
Broke into hysterics when the child was named "Secretia."

Victoria's Secret sued for emotional distress
All male jury wants to see more evidence.

TODAY'S PHOTO

Times-Dispatch Consumer alert
Lemon juice is is made with artificial flavor, but dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons.

NATIONAL
Study proves men and women are different
Three out of four believe they make up 75 percent.

Chicken head found in McDonalds McNuggets
You deserve a beak today.

Sex not always found in surveys
Two days a week, tops.

SPORTS
NFL starter reveals he killed Vince Foster
"Deep Threat" says Hillary's affair had to be secret because the public would never believe she likes men.

From record breaker to broken record
Star athlete in trouble with the law. Chalupa-crazed, bitch-slapping crackhead holds out for $10 million a year.

POLITICS
Democrats hold all-vegetarian fundraiser
Everybody started out with sour grapes.

Clinton turns down game show appearance
Prefers "Jeopardy" to "To Tell The Truth."