The cold bowl of chili

Eleven years
of essays here
and pure sap, there hasn't been any
when it's plain to see
the story's about me
the moral must apply to many

The clutter and chaos of moving out spreads across the living room like an oil slick, boxes flowing from the corner, dust bunnies dashing to the light. From life's essentials to knacks not worth a knick to anybody but one, these pieces of a persona are all getting wrapped and strapped away. Boxes for charity, boxes for shipping, boxes for the back of the car.

Except I'm not going anywhere.

Eleven years
of memories here
moving off into the night
strikes a hard chord
never a hard word
not even close to a fight

Years ago a TV producer floated the idea of a reality show where the contestants would run for president. Sign me up, I said.

As I was finishing up my application, my friends asked me about my girlfriend. If you're not married, she can't be the First Lady, so what would you call her? "The First Dumpling," I replied.

The nickname stuck.

People are believing
that it's not what she's leaving
but what's she going to
no reason to cry
about family ties
or doing what you have to do

Just a vision of pure beauty, seeing her in 99, seeing her for the first time in maybe a decade. We'd never been single at the same time, and when she called me out of the blue to suggest we get together at the beach, there was no possible answer but yes. The connection was instant, and in a matter of hours, I asked her if I could ask her a question.

"Would you mind if I kissed you?"

Omelets, pizzas and tasty such
haircuts with a loving touch
ah, the special things I've seen her do
all this reflection
brings up the question
why ain't you moving, too?

Back in my reporter days, when it came to natural disasters, I preferred covering floods. Tornadoes, hurricanes, there's this sense of shock to the people involved. Floods, at least the non-flash types, make people reflective. You know the water is rising and there's nothing you can do but watch.

Dumpling's family has been migrating to California one at a time for years, and for years it's been clear that what would be a great thing for her would not be so great for me. The details are too involved for this essay and they don't matter anyway. Here's where we start getting to the moral.

As the adult child of an alcoholic, I know all about the elephant in the room, and years ago I told her that if she had to go, well, I'd miss her and I'd help her pack. Not in snarky way -- don't let the door hit ya on the way out! -- but just as calm as I could be. I'll miss you, but I'll help you pack.

Not a fight in 11 years.

No reason to start now.

There's an old bromide
about a rising tide
and how it lifts every boat
but when it's your house going under
you just have to wonder
how many boat owners gloat

Kind of odd to be quoting a great rocker like Neil Young in the headline ("it's a cold bowl of chili when love lets you down") at a time when my life would make a good country-western song. The timing of her move may be terrible for me, but there's nothing I can say that would change anything, and anything I did say would sound like I was trying to make her feel guilty. And what's the point of that? It's a tough decision for her, too, and I could make it easier or harder.

So that's our lesson for today. Even when it's your own life, it's not all about you. The lives you touch are important. Celebrate the new adventures or opportunities of others. Even if it hurts.

Back in the day
I learned to say
it's better to have loved and lost
and so when it ends
find more love to send
and leave for later the cost

As the time grew shorter, we started using the term deployment. Like the bumper sticker says, America is at the mall, the Army is at war -- and nearly a million military families go through these sort of departures ever year. Dumpling's reporting for Mom duty, and that's the way it goes. No doors slammed, no ever saying never, just a fork in the road. I could eventually wind up out West; she might end up back East. We just can't say right now.

Our friends, used to messy divorces, didn't quite know how to handle our final day celebrations. That's okay. I didn't either. Just ty to do the right thing, and trust the details will all work out.

They sure worked out 11 years ago, and all it took then was a smile.

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