The day comedian Dennis Miller was named to the broadcast team for Monday Night Football, I had to tune in to listen to the man who didn't get the job, conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh.

   The man liberals love to hate graciously thanked everyone involved in his tryout process and wished everyone connected with the broadcast well. He never mentioned Miller by name, so it would be easy to say it all came across as class with an asterisk, grace with a great big "but."

   Not quite. It was the only way he could handle it.

   There was too much he could not say.

   ***

   ABC's decision to go with rantmeister Dennis Miller just had to kill a man who sees the world in terms of right versus left (even if it often sounds like right versus wrong). The entertainment industry, faced with a choice between liberal and conservative, had voted liberal once again -- and there's not a thing Limbaugh can say about it because it would sound like sour grapes.

   Hollywood voting left shows why it is not accidental that Rush got to where he is by owning his own network. He's never had to answer to anyone but himself, and because of that, he's been able to master the self-mocking superiority which marks his broadcast style.

   The irony is while Miller -- and I must declare right now that I think his stuff is fabulous -- is far more biting, I guarantee you that Rush has higher negatives. It's hard to find a more misunderstood man in America.

   First, a news flash for the Rush-bashers. I can tell in just two quesions, with 100 percent certainty, if you've ever actually listened to his show.

   Secondly, for those who understand writing for the ear, you may have noticed that in terms of rhythm, Rush and I sound a lot alike. Maybe it's the fact we're both Midwesterners. Maybe, if you're an astrologer, it's significant we're both born on Jan. 12. (Don't read too much into that date. It's Howard Stern's birthday, too.)

   I suspect the real similiarity, however, is that we both know the perils of trying to speak intelligently without coming across in a negative way. Rush turned to self-deprecating bombast (talent on loan from God) only to have most people miss his point entirely; my techniques rely more on humor and analogy because I don't have 20-some million listeners. With me, it's usually an audience of one barstool to the right.

   And the quickest way to get someone to like you is to make them laugh.

   ***

   Some pundits took Miller getting the job as more proof that Limbaugh has peaked, that he's lost it, that he's on a downward spiral toward irrelevance. This is wishful thinking for the Rush bashers. Two things saved AM radio, the toll-free telephone number and Limbaugh, and his numbers are still strong. I predict in a few years he'll take a cue from a liberal -- Phil Donahue -- and get out while he's on top. And I can predict none of his successors will ever match his numbers. He was the right man in the right place at the right time; it's not accidental that liberals -- even top-notch wits like Jim Hightower -- have never been able to match his audience numbers.

   As an occasional listener, I can say if I ever got on Rush's show, I'd start with "46 percent dittoes from Richmond, Virginia." (If you don't know what the ditto reference means, here's a hint -- stop bashing Rush).

   Background: As an ex-reporter, someone who had to get out of the field because of the crucial distinction between accurate and true, I admire Rush's one-man truth squad even if it is obviously from a right-wing perspective. I offer my dittoes as a percentage because there's plenty of things from Rush with which I disagree. That's not a negative because he actually believes what he says, unlike Clinton and Gore and their perverse concept of leadership by pollster.

   The main reason the percentage is under a half is that I consider myself a liberal Republican -- and I can see Rush spending an entire show proving there can be no such thing. He'd probably sound great and his listeners would probably agree with him and I'd feel stupid and beaten and would take solace in just one thing.

   Until conservative Republicans can put up with folks like me, they'll keep losing presidential elections.

   ***

   G.L. Marshall, who sounds like Al Michaels when he is talking sports, suspects there's a little bit of Jack Buck in the famous broadcaster from Cape Giradeau, Mo.