The secret of hurt versus anger. There are psychobabblists who make a career out of what can be boiled down to one sentence.

The three-pot system. Sex and money cause more disputes than anything else. Here's the money.

The gigolo's secret. Like I said about sex and money. Here's the sex.

When is it role-to-role and when is it person to person? A special section on workplace relationship stress.

Here's a common example of "what's said versus what's heard." The guy says he wants to go out with the guys; the woman says she's disappointed he doesn't want to spend time with her. Guy says that's not the point.

Earth to guy -- it is the point.

Here's the tipoff, fellas. How many times have you been in one of those kinda discussions and you feel like the woman is changing the subject? Turns out, she may not be changing the subject all -- maybe, just maybe she's responding to what she's hearing from you. I suggest you need to pay attention and pick up on those verbal cues.

I'm not saying to run away from feelings, or to avoid conflict. What I'm saying is if you pay some attention, you might be able to zap an argument before it even becomes one.

When you see hurt, look for anger. When you see anger, go for the hurt.

That's about as practical a guide to psychobabble training as you can get in 15 words. For simplicity, it's surpassed only by the field of dermatology (if it's wet, make it dry; if it's dry, make it wet).

While this insight is a great starting point for becoming an armchair shrink, resist the temptation. It's offered here as the world's most simple simple road map. If she's mad at you, something hurt her feelings. Figure out what hurt and what you can do about it.

The flipside of this equation -- if she's hurt and pouting, something you did made her mad -- is a lot trickier and really qualifies as an advanced technique. For instance, saying something like "I know you are hurt, so I want to know what made you angry" will flat not work. Subtlety, my friend, subtlety.

Money causes problems on a variety of levels -- dependence, control, resentment -- and it's a whole lot better to use this simple technique to avoid all the problems. Remember the theme here -- this isn't about avoiding problems, it's about pre-empting possible problems. A couple will find plenty enough to argue about, so do some planning and avoid the stupid stuff.

Couple money is best handled in what's called the three-pot system. You have the house budget, to which you both contribute and both prioritize and spend. Then you have the guy's money, then you have the woman's money. You keep some for yourself and she does the same. Don't get into a fight about spending house money on a bass boat. Save your own money and buy your own damn boat.

Pretty simple really -- guys are trying to speed women up and women are trying to slow guys down.

Now intimate techniques are well beyond the scope of this web site (hey, my mom reads this stuff), and proper discretion always is advised when discussing such matters. But in plain English, here it is.

In men, there is a strong correlation between how quickly they, uh, fire, and how tight they keep their butt muscles during the, uh, act. Learning to move using your abs and other muscles can prolong more than a session. It can prolong a relationship.

Realize, of course, there are all kinds of techniques in this field. I like this one because it gives me a chance to say, in a perfectly clinical sense, "Loosen up your ass, dude."

True story, discreetly told: While in a foreign country, a local woman asked me if all American men knew of this way. Immediately, I flash-forwarded to see hundreds and hundreds of happy tourists.

"Oh sure," I smiled. "Absolutely."

The idea that life is not person-to-person but role-to-role isn't exactly new or even all that profound. There were plenty of books about all this Transactional Analysis stuff in the '70s. It's a pretty dated concept to apply to dating in the '90s.

I bring it up because it just flat astounds me how the generation behind me finds romance -- lots of romance -- in the work place. This flies against every social more I have learned over the last 25 years, including equality and respect for women and their absolute right of freedom from harassment, and it brings up a long list of ribald metaphors -- don't dip the pen in the company ink, thou shall not give thy rod to thy staff.

Even though I admit I'm a fogey on this issue, this point follows the theme of this article, which is, loosely defined, to work around some potential problems in advance. If workplace issues are likely to creep into the relationship, history shows it takes a rare and special couple to pull it off. In more cases than not, piling work onto the personal winds up killing the personal.

And after you've studied and listened and get ready to try these techniques at home, please remember the great line from John Lennon.

Life is what happens while you are making other plans.