(November 1999)
   Probably silly to try to inject some reality into something as illreal as modern politics, but considering the agonizingly long presidential election campaign, let's start with a basic.

   Enough of this Reform Party nonsense.

   First, it's barely a party at all, this splintered collection of factions and dreamers and cranks and chart-flipping little gnomes. There's no institutional organization in the sense of the GOP or the Dems and it's not on the ballot in every state.

   All of which, in the Alice in Wonderland aspects of modern politics, makes the Reform Party eligible for $10 million in federal campaign money.

   The good news, as national money-grubbing winner George W. Bush has shown, is that $10 million doesn't go very far in the land of paid commercials and high-priced consultants, pollsters and other political suits.

   The bad news is all the media attention on this sideshow will likely continue. As Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura puts it, the biggest problem with the Republicans and Democrats is that they are boring. Donald Trump and Pat Buchanan make good copy.

   The dirty little secret getting lost in the mainstream media coverage is that it's entirely possible that neither Trump nor Buchanan will get the Reform nomination. Trump preaches tax cuts; the Reform Party wants to pay down the debt. Buchanan, among his many Quixotic crusades, is an anti-abortion zealot; the Reform Party platform stresses tolerance and choice. Both men have, to use the political insider's term, fatally high negative ratings.

   It takes some pretty loopy people to make Ross Perot look good

   I remain a big fan of Ventura's (very impressive tax cut he got through the legislature this year) but it carries a great big asterisk -- if he makes a run for the presidency after just a few months in office I'll punt him faster than I punted Ross the-charts-and-graphs flipper.

   History suggests third parties don't last in American politics, and there's little evidence to suggest the Reform Party is much more than a myth, so while this crowd may be annoying, they may not be able to do much damage. But then again, that pretty much describes my take on politics in general. Having long given up hope that politicians can do good, I just pray they won't do anything catastrophically bad. And pardon me for not being optimistic.

   ***

   G.L. Marshall reminds people that politics is the art of screwing your enemies and that governing is the art of screwing your friends.