(December 1999)
   First the good news. The application time for getting on the Survivor TV show has been extended until Dec. 10th. Now the bad news. The application time for getting on the upcoming Survivor TV show has been extended until Dec. 10th.

   For proof, see the web site. For the short version, here goes:

   Sixteen people are needed to travel to a luscious island off the coast of Borneo. Not so bad, considering how many people would kill for a free seven-week vacation to a tropical paradise.

   The catch is this paradise contains deadly snakes. Another catch is that you'll be living like a primitive, forced to forage for food, scramble for water, build your own shelter.

   It would be like a real-life Gilligan except that you'll be doing all this while being filmed for reality television.

   Leaving aside for a moment the concept that I could be scrapping in the sand for grubs while some guy fresh from a craft services truck is following my every move, let's get to the heart of the matter. One by one the castaways are cast away themselves. The 16 castaways decide who leaves the island by voting. Last one standing gets $1 million and the other fifteen get parting gifts including sunburn, various injuries and possible severe psychological damage.

   Sign me up.

   ***

   The book that comes to mind is William Golding's "Lord of the Flies" -- little boys turning to anarchy with sticks as weapons. Makes me wonder if on this show you would you still win the money if you went postal and whacked all the others. Personally, I'd have to think Golding's essay "Thinking for a hobby" might better get you through such an experience.

   And what an experience. Consider the contrasts: tropical luxury versus living in the dirt; working cooperatively to survive while scheming to be the last survivor; being alone and out of contact with your friends and family while cameramen carrying cell phones intrude into your life.

   Group dynamics would suggest at least a couple of the people would partner up sexually, and that certainly would lead to good TV (and interesting dynamics in the who-must-leave voting).

   No, something deep inside of me says there's something completely sick about all this.

   So like I said earlier.

   Sign me up.

   ***

   The web site says producers will make sure everyone chosen will be in good shape (survival training not necessary, but possibly helpful, producers say) and that they will be psychologically screened. I suspect what people carry to the island will be in large part decided by the three things they pick on their application.

   The application process starts with a fill-out form and a three-minute videotape on which you explain what makes you a good candidate. I suspect being articulate would help. Considering it's television, looking good in a bikini probably wouldn't hurt either.

   The show, produced by Mark Burnett (of Eco-Challenge fame), will air in 13 one-hour episodes next summer. Contestants learn if they've made the first cut in January and the ordeal itself runs during March and April.

   I suspect there are some solid reasons why the application deadline has been extended, starting with a problem finding people. Damn few people can take off work for seven weeks. Few people would try the survival challenge in the first place, and far fewer would ever try it while having their souls bared for television. Damn few true survivalist types would have the psychological profile needed to win people over and win a popularity contest complicated by treachery. And for a lot of people, seven weeks away from all contact with friends and family, well, the old-fashioned term for that was jail.

   For the record, I believe I could handle everything I just outlined and not only survive but thrive. No, the reason I wrestle with applying to appear on this show is precisely what makes it good for television.

   In a survival setting, everyone needs to work together. I can hang for seven weeks in an us-against-them setting; an us-against-some-of-us-too really takes the fun out of it. I don't want to grub and backstab for a shot at a million dollars in corporate America and I damn sure don't want to do it on a beach.

   My suspicion with the 16 contestants is that they will have to start with enough to eliminate extreme hardship (pardon me if I don't want to watch someone die in real-life from snakebite for the sake of ratings). My suspicion is the key is not the struggle but the society, the interplay between the lonely strangers. That's what creates the drama.

   My suspicion is I'd like to join them.

   Too bad the million dollars is such a complication.

   ***

   The last time G.L. Marshall appeared on TV, he was explaining what it was like to watch a guy die in the electric chair.